People often aax me…………

Sometimes I do be walkin’ down the town of a sahreda, the woman below in the market and me headin’ towards the market bar and someone’d come up to me and aax me questions…annyway I was headin’ towards me home from home last saherda week  and up comes this chap , Mooney I think his name was and he sez to me ‘ whats all this I hear about yourself and Pelle ?. Jaysus John, sez I, I sed notin’ to nobody…..annyway after a bit of 2-in and fro-in I told him the full story.

Y’see in the old days, the boys below in Brazil wasint too good at the fupall , just a few of them there below on the beach kickin’ a pig’s bladder in their bare feet, and they sez to themselves, how can we get better at this game ? At the time one of the boys was there that worked on the docks above and he sez ‘I know where we could go to learn about fupall’, it turned  out, of course that the boys below on the docks was loadin a cargo of oil cakes for the oil cake factory in drogheda and nothin’ would do the boys except to be signed on as crew for the trip to the home of fupall. Annyway after a stormy passage acrost the sea they sailed up the Boyne on saherda mornin’ and landed outside Benny’s without as much as the price of a bottle between them and who comes walkin up the quay to meet then only the hard Skinner Downey and gives the boys an invitation into Bennys on behalf of the People of Drogheda. Skinner , of course, never worked a day in his life and was a master at gettin other people to buy drink for him.

After a bit of blarney and blather he aaxes the boys ‘ why are yiz here ?. We come to learn de fupall’ they sed. Well, yiz came to the right place sez skinner , and I know the very man for yiz. And up he goes to Fair Street and inta Hoey’s Office and out comes Vincent and Skinner told him the full story and very soon the boys was trainin’ on a Tuesda and a Thursda, and workin’ below on the docks. Annyway wasn’t there a bit of a problem with the lads papers and off goes Vincent up to Merrion Square to see Charlie and it wasn’t an easy thing to fix and the boys were advised to say that their grannies came from Mayo and their papers was in the post. And , of course Vincent sez to Peader, bring them to trainin’ and look after them,, and they worked very hard on their fupall and one of them was a young lad with glasses who was always writin’ in his notebook everythin’ that was said at the trainin’. He was well built and a great prospect, but wouldint take off the glasses in case he would be able to see. Annyway this Frida mornin’ Peader brings yer man down to Eustace in West Street to get the eyes examined, and after an hour of rootin at yer man’s eye Eustace sez ‘This man has perfect eyesight.   It turned out that the boys below in Brazil thought that you needed glasses to be able to read.

Annyway the first matches the boys played in the team was at away matches so as to not raise suspicions and Peader was told to get the boys to slacken off and take it easy durin’ matches or they’d show the irish players up. An , of course , yer man with the glasses was Pele, or Joe Cooney as we called him and the boys became well known around the town, and there was nothin’ more they liked on a Saherda night than a game of bingo above in Congress Avenue and a few bottles in Joey Flynn’s on the way home. I got to know Cooney pretty well and brought him down to Hunterstown on the q.t. to get some dead ball tips from Kevin Beahan.We usedta go down to Carberrys for the rings and Kathleen called him Seosaimh and treated him with great kindness and respect.

Of course, the panic when the Customs and the Guards surrounded the house on Platin Road had to be hushed up by all and not a word got into the papers. The next mornin’ the boys got the oil cake boat back their home place, but I’m sayin’ this to you now….. one day the real story wil be told

Of course, I hadta go through the whole thing in the widda’s after the rovers game on frida (jaysus, we were poor) , and after a full discussion the commihee agreed that i shud post a note of clarification……….that the rumour that one of the brazilians stayed on and changed his name to ray keogh iscompletely false.  No player could be that mediocre, even if he tried.

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